What is Sex Therapy?
Talking about sex can be difficult for many people, and talking about sexual problems can be even harder. Bedroom issues like sexual performance and low libido may go beyond the scope of what you would normally discuss with your primary care physician, ob-gyn, or usual therapist. Here, you can explore thoughts and feelings that you may have never given yourself permission to process before, because shame, stigma or fear have held you back.
We are conditioned to believe that “healthy relationships” are defined by ongoing and sexually fulfilling encounters, that withstand the test of time. Societal messaging leaves us expecting that sex should always be easy, spontaneous, fun and flowing, or else something is wrong. When sex changes, we often question our own adequacy, as well as whether our partner is disappointed with us. We may even wonder if we will ever be able to enjoy sex again, or whether we have chosen the wrong partner. When our body doesn’t perform the way we’d like it to, we can get anxious, frustrated and disappointed, which can further distance us from our partner. Sometimes this shame and guilt leaves us “stuck” in our own heads, and it is hard to be present, relaxed and open during sexual intimacy. A Sex Therapist can help you identify and address your sexual challenges, while exploring your expectations about sex and intimacy.
Sex Therapists are trained, licensed professionals who focus specifically on human sexuality and healthy sexual behavior and connection. We offer compassionate, research-backed guidance while addressing the full range of pertinent psychological, physiological, and cultural factors at play. Sex Therapists do not have any sexual contact with clients, ever. They address sexual issues through psychotherapy (talk therapy) and enact change through compassion, creating insight, healing and awareness, and often suggest specific behavioral interventions to do at home between sessions. Sex Therapy can be effective for adults and couples of any age, gender or sexual orientation. If your sexual concern may be medical or physical in nature (such as erectile dysfunction, low testosterone, etc), we take a holistic approach by referring for medical assessment and treatment when necessary and supporting medical treatment goals psychosocially. If you want and desire sex, sexual function is an important contributor to your quality of life. It’s associated with physical and mental well-being and relationship satisfaction. The goal of sex therapy is to build a more intimate, sexually fulfilling, and loving connection.
What does a Sex Therapists Treat?
Sexual activity is a complex experience that involves emotional, mental and physical components. There are no small or big sexual problems or dysfunctions. Together, we can work on the following common sexual problems:
-
Experiencing anxiety in relation to sex or intimacy
-
Mismatched sex drives in couples
-
Lack of desire or arousal
-
Healing from sexual shame
-
Improving communication about sex and intimacy
-
Improving one’s sense of sexual self-awareness and confidence
-
Emotional and relationship issues stemming from sexual difficulties
-
Issues related to gender identity and/or sexual orientation
-
Infidelity and it’s after effects
-
Infertility and its impact on intimacy
-
Sexual trauma
-
Sex education and correcting miseducation
-
BDSM, kink and fetish issues
-
Establishing and enforcing sexual boundaries
-
Issues around cultural, religious and societal views of sex
-
Ethical nonmonogamy and Polyamory
-
Anorgasmia
-
Pain during sex (e.g., vaginismus or dyspareunia)
-
Premature ejaculation/delayed ejaculation
-
Erectile dysfunction (in conjunction with Medical Care)
-
Hypersexual disorder (sex addiction).
-
Pornography addiction
What happens during a sex therapy session?
During our sessions, we will work together to identify and change thoughts and behaviors that are interfering with your sexual satisfaction. You may meet with me by yourself or with your partner(s). Sex therapy does not require both partners. Some people may benefit from individual therapy sessions, while others may find couples sex therapy more useful. I have experience working with couples practicing ENM (ethical nonmonogamy) as well as those who practice polyamory. Together, we will explore your health and sexual background, what you learned about sex early on, your beliefs about sex and intimacy, and your specific sexual concerns. There will be exercises for you to do outside of the therapy session, as I do prescribe “homework” to my patients! Homework exercises vary depending on the individual or couple and are designed to increase trust and intimacy between partners by improving their communication, providing education, as well as sexual experimentation and sensate focus activities.
Whether you are struggling to regain intimacy with your partner after a significant life change, it's difficult for you to negotiate healthy boundaries within a BDSM dynamic, or you're an individual needing support processing sexual trauma and its impact on your current sexual wellbeing, I warmly welcome you to my virtual office! I hope that you feel empowered to trust me with assist you on your journey towards sexual health.